Onetangi Beach or “weeping sands” for me is a place I come to listen, feel…my peace.
Back in the 1800s it was the site of much bloodshed as Hongi Heke & his tribe killed the last of the original Maoris that made this Island their home.
I find solace here. She embraces me…calms me. The clutter of my mind becomes still…so I can hear my inner voice…I can hear my guides…my guardian angels pass on what I already know to be true for me & the path I am on.
I will leave this island in the New Year…not until late March…I will always return…though I know in my heart not for good. My place is elsewhere…what I do know is the ocean will never be far away from wherever “home” is.
It’s an exiting journey ahead…
…a year ago today…if anyone had said…
1. You will sell your house privately
2. You will finally know who you are
3. You will embark on an adventure…
…and now I know it to be true.
Today I turned 47 earth years…frankly I truly do not feel an exact age…if I had to choose I would say 30s…not for any particular reason apart from fact that is how I feel…some realism I guess 😀
The picture above is my sanctuary…Onetangi beach on Waiheke Island…today Gaia put on a spesh day for me. Even Dolphins playing in the bay this afternoon..had a wonderful lunch with mum…and a wonderful evening with friends…hats off to my bestie, Jill ::mwahs sweets::
I have truly been humbled by the outpouring of love for me today…I have had a wonderful birthday,
It is only in one’s own eyes that perspectives are created. To illustrate my perspective…this photo instantly spoke to me of a man not yet fully transformed physically. It may only be due to the angle in which the photograph was taken. However, for me it touched the very essence of ftm or transman.
Mentally and spiritually I have been awaken…cliche yes…very much so. Nevertheless, a truth. Recalling my name given to ME by ME when I was only about 4 opened up deeply buried memories. The name in itself was comforting…it “fitted” and I embraced it wholeheartedly. Five months later, it is legally my name (big smiles). Other memories took time to work through…nothing unpleasant…more the fact that being a boy (or rather behaving as one) was so “normal” until an event that occurred when I was around ten. I buried those feelings…thoughts under layer upon layer of FEARS.
I played devil’s advocate with myself…talked it out with a few trusted friends…I wanted to be a boy…or rather a man (by age definition only lol). The “knowing” feeling deep in my gut, my intuition, wasn’t going away…if anything the belief that it was the right path for me became stronger. Close friends knew first, then I finally got the courage to tell my sister, then my mum. It is a relief to know that they are supportive of my decision (even though they may not “get it”).
So…end of November my journey of transformation began…Doctor’s referral & baseline blood tests completed. The “wait” begins. Could be a good 3-4 months before I’ll get an appointment. The transition though is happening subtlety in other ways. My hair is short in a masculine style, my eyebrows are re shaping…I haven’t shaved in months. Slowly switching my wardrobe to more male / unisex. The cupboard is very bare! I’ll be living in tees, jeans, shirts & shorts for a few more months yet! Next is working out more. Running, cycling, weights & swimming.
It’s not only my very being that is changing…2014 brings new journeys…moving…travelling…living on the road…it is going to be a real adventure!