The heart that lived on the sleeve

One definition of wearing your heart on your sleeve is “to display your feelings openly and habitually, rather than keep them private.” Being open and honest is hard. There is fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of being judged etc.

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve…become more expressive as I moved through the decades. I do not hesitate…I freely express my feelings exposing my heart to the raw cuts of rejection…of unrequited love. Foolish…perhaps as sometimes I do pay a toll…

Experience has taught me…this too shall pass…I remember to breathe…to take in the simple pleasures of life around me…love is every where and heals the heart to remain open…allowing another to enter usually unexpectedly…the best kind…to love fearlessly once again…so my friends do not be afraid to put voice to your emotion…what is life without risk…take a chance…many chances…

“You don’t love someone for their looks, their clothes or anything else.
You love them because they can sing a song only your heart can understand.”

Pete Ibbertson
December 2012

20140309-040050.jpg

I sit alone…

I sit alone with my thoughts
A myriad of emotion
Wanting to hide
To disappear within myself

Naked in skin, naked within
My heart, my soul exposed
The mind bearly making sense
Or controlling the flow

I sit alone, still to other’s eyes
Whilst the turmoil inside
Rages like a storm

Pete Ibbertson, 17 November 2012

Change

In the context of:

“to give a different position, course, or direction”.

20140210-222759.jpg

It’s been a few weeks encompassing many changes…had my first appointment with the trans clinic…really positive experience. Psyche appointment a week tomorrow , then all going well start transitioning shortly thereafter.

Spent the last week packing, storing and finally cleaning…moved into Kombi…

The past couple of years has been an interesting journey…going from a modest income to barely making ends meet…the way in which you view money changes; you adapt as the alternative…well I’ve been there too.

Today I posted a fair few poems I’ve written in 2012 & a few more to come that I wrote last year…many were a personal exercise working through past events & emotions. I’ve grown considerably in the past 2.5 years…emotionally mature…I handle events / issues differently now to how I would / did back in the day. My heart though remains open…ready to love fearlessly again…I’d like to believe that I’ve learnt some important lessons along the way… that I won’t make the mistakes of the past or perhaps it would be better to describe it as “fools rush in”…pft who am I kidding!

It is definitely harder I think as you get older to meet people…and to meet I mean physically…that’s one lesson I have learnt…don’t throw myself in before that point…I’m no different in person as to how I believe I project myself online via here or FB or other social platforms.

I don’t know what other changes may be coming…I do however trust that the Universe is working for me…not against me.

Forward ever forward…

Foolish Heart

“You did it again, didn’t You?
When will you ever learn…
You open yourself up to crash
You just launch without looking
Not taking the time
To consider what really is
“Love fearlessly” you say
Foolish Heart”

Pete Ibbertson 7 December 2012

Silent Witness

Your pain is palatable
Felt from afar so strong
Physical ache
Heaviness of chest
A silent witness

Wanting to reach out
Swallowing my words
It’s all left unsaid
A shadow stalker

Soul mates we are
That is a truth
No one and nothing
Will change that
It will always be

A silent witness
Words unspoken
Emotion felt
From miles apart
Volume is loud

Pete Ibbertson 27 November 2012

On the Edge

On the edge…
cold…heavy…suffocating
Enveloping from within, choking me
It creeps…moments so fast
Other times it barely rises

On the edge of darkness
…holding at bay
It gorges my energy…
Levels low…escape…how?

My wings clipped
Feathers falling
I struggle to rise
As the black invades my mind

Pete Ibbertson 23 November 2012