Category Archives: Poems 2012

The heart that lived on the sleeve

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One definition of wearing your heart on your sleeve is “to display your feelings openly and habitually, rather than keep them private.” Being open and honest is hard. There is fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of being judged etc.

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve…become more expressive as I moved through the decades. I do not hesitate…I freely express my feelings exposing my heart to the raw cuts of rejection…of unrequited love. Foolish…perhaps as sometimes I do pay a toll…

Experience has taught me…this too shall pass…I remember to breathe…to take in the simple pleasures of life around me…love is every where and heals the heart to remain open…allowing another to enter usually unexpectedly…the best kind…to love fearlessly once again…so my friends do not be afraid to put voice to your emotion…what is life without risk…take a chance…many chances…

“You don’t love someone for their looks, their clothes or anything else.
You love them because they can sing a song only your heart can understand.”

Pete Ibbertson
December 2012

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I sit alone…

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I sit alone with my thoughts
A myriad of emotion
Wanting to hide
To disappear within myself

Naked in skin, naked within
My heart, my soul exposed
The mind bearly making sense
Or controlling the flow

I sit alone, still to other’s eyes
Whilst the turmoil inside
Rages like a storm

Pete Ibbertson, 17 November 2012

Change

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In the context of:

“to give a different position, course, or direction”.

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It’s been a few weeks encompassing many changes…had my first appointment with the trans clinic…really positive experience. Psyche appointment a week tomorrow , then all going well start transitioning shortly thereafter.

Spent the last week packing, storing and finally cleaning…moved into Kombi…

The past couple of years has been an interesting journey…going from a modest income to barely making ends meet…the way in which you view money changes; you adapt as the alternative…well I’ve been there too.

Today I posted a fair few poems I’ve written in 2012 & a few more to come that I wrote last year…many were a personal exercise working through past events & emotions. I’ve grown considerably in the past 2.5 years…emotionally mature…I handle events / issues differently now to how I would / did back in the day. My heart though remains open…ready to love fearlessly again…I’d like to believe that I’ve learnt some important lessons along the way… that I won’t make the mistakes of the past or perhaps it would be better to describe it as “fools rush in”…pft who am I kidding!

It is definitely harder I think as you get older to meet people…and to meet I mean physically…that’s one lesson I have learnt…don’t throw myself in before that point…I’m no different in person as to how I believe I project myself online via here or FB or other social platforms.

I don’t know what other changes may be coming…I do however trust that the Universe is working for me…not against me.

Forward ever forward…

Foolish Heart

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“You did it again, didn’t You?
When will you ever learn…
You open yourself up to crash
You just launch without looking
Not taking the time
To consider what really is
“Love fearlessly” you say
Foolish Heart”

Pete Ibbertson 7 December 2012

Silent Witness

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Your pain is palatable
Felt from afar so strong
Physical ache
Heaviness of chest
A silent witness

Wanting to reach out
Swallowing my words
It’s all left unsaid
A shadow stalker

Soul mates we are
That is a truth
No one and nothing
Will change that
It will always be

A silent witness
Words unspoken
Emotion felt
From miles apart
Volume is loud

Pete Ibbertson 27 November 2012

On the Edge

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On the edge…
cold…heavy…suffocating
Enveloping from within, choking me
It creeps…moments so fast
Other times it barely rises

On the edge of darkness
…holding at bay
It gorges my energy…
Levels low…escape…how?

My wings clipped
Feathers falling
I struggle to rise
As the black invades my mind

Pete Ibbertson 23 November 2012

Bittersweet

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Bile in the pit of my stomach rises
That “knowing” feeling
Of unspoken words
Lurges upwards…then drops

Why does that phrase feel FATAL
What was before….real…imagined?
Much was real…the rest…my dream
Falling for the possibilities

Stepping back…not letting go
Perspective…necessary
Friendship forged & strong
Will weather the changes

Those words…I love you
Bittersweet

Pete Ibbertson 22 November 2012

Damned

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To temper the ache
I must find a way
Time will past
The ache will stay

Unfamiliar territory
Emotions strong
Heart ache is real
Resolution; perhaps

For I am damned
Mind, body & soul
Until that time
Walking away; never

To see it through
To know
Means being damned
Acceptance of ache
Pushing on

Pete Ibbertson 6 November 2012

Souls in Fushion

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The archer’s bow
Extended alight
Burns hot
Stead fast & bright
Strength within
Knows no bounds
My soul however
Requires calm resolve

There you stand
Quietly watching
Cooling, wet
You soothe Me
Your music flows
As does your stream
Monitoring My heat

It is in your servitude
If you have the desire
The devotion
Allowing My flame
Close in Our passion
Without dousing the fire
Without burning you dry

For passion envelopes Us
Fire & Water
Two elements; opposites
Souls in fusion
Steam rising
Never dying

Pete Ibbertson 23 October 2012