It is only in one’s own eyes that perspectives are created. To illustrate my perspective…this photo instantly spoke to me of a man not yet fully transformed physically. It may only be due to the angle in which the photograph was taken. However, for me it touched the very essence of ftm or transman.
Mentally and spiritually I have been awaken…cliche yes…very much so. Nevertheless, a truth. Recalling my name given to ME by ME when I was only about 4 opened up deeply buried memories. The name in itself was comforting…it “fitted” and I embraced it wholeheartedly. Five months later, it is legally my name (big smiles). Other memories took time to work through…nothing unpleasant…more the fact that being a boy (or rather behaving as one) was so “normal” until an event that occurred when I was around ten. I buried those feelings…thoughts under layer upon layer of FEARS.
I played devil’s advocate with myself…talked it out with a few trusted friends…I wanted to be a boy…or rather a man (by age definition only lol). The “knowing” feeling deep in my gut, my intuition, wasn’t going away…if anything the belief that it was the right path for me became stronger. Close friends knew first, then I finally got the courage to tell my sister, then my mum. It is a relief to know that they are supportive of my decision (even though they may not “get it”).
So…end of November my journey of transformation began…Doctor’s referral & baseline blood tests completed. The “wait” begins. Could be a good 3-4 months before I’ll get an appointment. The transition though is happening subtlety in other ways. My hair is short in a masculine style, my eyebrows are re shaping…I haven’t shaved in months. Slowly switching my wardrobe to more male / unisex. The cupboard is very bare! I’ll be living in tees, jeans, shirts & shorts for a few more months yet! Next is working out more. Running, cycling, weights & swimming.
It’s not only my very being that is changing…2014 brings new journeys…moving…travelling…living on the road…it is going to be a real adventure!