About omdanne

Transman...on my journey...

A Quiet Contemplation

…a quiet contemplation
The meaning of life
Does it require meaning?
When much of our life is
Spent working, eating, sleeping
….with love if one is blessed
Is this the test…inhabiting this shell
We move…sometimes clumsily…
Sometimes with grace…
Through the years
Exploring…new places…people
Some we fall in love with…others no…
Not many of us follow our passions
Caught in the cycle of money…of having things…
We forget the true worth…the immeasurable value
Of our Being…alone…with others…lovers…friends…
Enjoying Gaia’s gifts to us…this earth, this ocean…
Cloaked by the Universe beyond…
So…does life require meaning…
I believe so…it is found within
There is no wrong answer…


Pete Ibbertson
18 July 2013

Cycle of Life

We gather in the morning mist
Silence filling the air…heavy laden
with thoughts unspoken for fear…
Fear; freezes the most open of minds
to withdraw from chance

We walk together as the mist rises
Neither a murmur spoken; the chill
remaining, clinging to our strides.
A chill; freezing our hearts, encasing
them in ice…away from risks

We walk…parting company as the
path divides. A glance, eyes locked
No words spoken, except the silent
goodbyes…our paths taking us on new
journeys…separately seeking
Adventures anew…the mist rises

Clear skies ahead as I walk my path
The warmth melting the ice
around my heart
The eyes smiling as the mind frees
Opportunities abound
Take a chance…take a risk…
Cycle of life continues…

Pete Ibbertson
2 July 2013

What Do You See?

What do you see
When you look at me
When you look at our photos
When you stare at the screen

Do you see me
The child, the boi, the woman
The philosopher, romantic
Mooshy git, kind loving soul?

Do you glance away
As the depths are too raw
Too intense, the risks attached
Too dangerous for your heart
Too much…

What do you see
…and will you ever tell me?

~ Pete Ibbertson
22 June 2013


“Being solo…avoids the BS…the words that are not said, the truth of all that is unspoken but known, ha the drama…still “loving fearlessly” is my heart, my soul; I shall continue to be open to whoever walks in & touches my heart; to risk…for new friendships are made; those deep friendships that may otherwise allude you…and that is priceless…”

Pete Ibbertson
11 June 2013

Reality of Life

It happens…rarely, fleetingly.
Deep in thought;you walk by…
barely acknowledging those around you.
Your face gives little away…except to
a few that have found a crack…
The turmoil in your mind…
Frighteningly evident.

You reach out to few
Shouldering all yourself
Standing alone…as you believe
is the only way
I watch from a distance
Wanting to reach out
Knowingly…I shake my head

Friendships bloom
In circumstances least
favourable; such times
when distractions are
helpful…aye they often
become long lasting

Time…choices made…external
impacts of other’s lives
Decisions made oft not
of own desires…life is
too short to follow what
has come before; what has always been
is not always what is right “in the now”.

Chances must be taken to really live
Risks they may be; without doing so
how will you ever know…desires,
passion…listen to what is in your heart.
The “feelings” are real.

You know my mantra…
loving fearlessly is not for
the faint hearted…to be
exposed willingly…
to be open for the
enivitable wounds
being reopened
Rips and tears barely healed
Stitches and scars torn open

…patched up…move on
shoulder all that life
throws alone…may be
that is for the best…the

Pete Ibbertson
11 June 2013


magnitude[ mag-ni-tood, -tyood ]
1. size; extent; dimensions: to determine the magnitude of an angle.
2. great importance or consequence: affairs of magnitude.
3. greatness of size or amount.

The magnitude of yesterday’s psyche appointment & outcome really hit home late last evening.

At the time I was immediately caught up in the euphoria; it’s really going to happen…I will become “Pete” physically or at least how I want to be…a male.

It brings with it a little sadness too…of time gone by…of loss…by that I mean a loss of community in a sense. I have never really felt like I “fit in” to any one specific community. It does feel a bit odd that whilst I’ve likely increased the “pool” of peeps whom may be attracted to me, I wouldn’t have a clue where to start. Amusing in a warp sense that I may end up with a straight woman having identified as a lesbian for the past decade or so.

The outcome…I go back to the doc next month, 19 March & commence hormone treatment; testosterone to be exact. Even now writing this, I am grinning ear to ear!

Being whom I have always felt I was but hidden for so long…it’s exhilarating and an anti-climax all at once.

I took some time on the beach last night. To clear my head and listen to my inner voices. It does provide such clarity…softens the emotional side & brings my head to fore.

The journey I am on is my own. Along with transitioning are other aspects of life that also require my full attention such as my business…without which I’ll be somewhat stuffed to achieve what I want in this year alone.

Traveling in “Lola” is also important; it’s a sense of freedom that I have & desire. It’s time to be selfish in a sense.

Taking a few days off soon. Traveling down country, spend time with a new friend…and chill. A brief change of scenery is exactly what I want & need…time to plan my next steps.



First week in “Lola” freedom camping around the island…cats kinda fostered (albeit currently MIA the little beggars!) as Kombi life not for them.

Getting into a routine of exercise, work and of course loads of fun 🙂

I really do feel free…which is only a ‘state of mind’…but one that has eluded me over the past few years.

Today I have my first (& hopefully) only psyche session as part of the transitioning process. Took an early ferry over with my brother who is returning to his home in Perth. We are are weird family…no touchy feely stuff hey just “have a good trip home & see ya next year”…

Working over in the city before busing out to hospital…a little nervous…

Later this week I’m off to Christchurch for a change in scenery…just a few days away…flying down this time…first big trip in Lola will likely be April…can’t wait for that!

This life is short…go live it!


I sit alone…

I sit alone with my thoughts
A myriad of emotion
Wanting to hide
To disappear within myself

Naked in skin, naked within
My heart, my soul exposed
The mind bearly making sense
Or controlling the flow

I sit alone, still to other’s eyes
Whilst the turmoil inside
Rages like a storm

Pete Ibbertson, 17 November 2012